In The News...

Fashion Flag: Ralph Lauren has donated $10 million to help restore the flag that inspired "The Star Spangled Banner." "However, Ralph is insisting the colors be changed to a more fashionable mauve, cream and lavender." (Premiere Radio)

Charlie Online: Charles Manson has a Web site now. "I think it's Charles Manson. Slash/slash/slash dot slash/slash." (Leno)

The ABCs of Film: Emmy-winning "NYPD Blue" writer David Milch will host a seminar on "How to Write for the ABC Show": "Step 1: When in doubt, show somebody's butt." (Premiere Radio)

Old HMOs: "An Egyptian archeological team announced new findings. They say people who worked on the pyramids 45,000 years ago actually received medical care. Back then there wasn't a Republican Party to stop it." (Jay Leno)

X-Rated View: An Ohio man was arrested at a Cleveland Indians game on charges of aiming his video camera up women's skirts at a hot dog stand. "IF convicted, he could get up to eight years in the White House." (Argus Hamilton)

Lord of the Ring: Renowned dancer Michael Flatley removed his dancing shoes to try his hand at boxing. "Makes sense. For every person who shelled out money for 'Riverdance,' there are twice as many contributing to the pot to watch the 'Lord of the Dance' get the crap kicked out of him." (J. Biggins)

A Capital Plan: Democrats and Republicans in Congress have each introduced plans to control and restrict the practices of HMOs. "Does that make both parties HMO-phobic?" (Gary Easley)