Words of Wisdom

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesnt look good either.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable applicaton of high explosives.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

I don't get even, I get odder.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

Dijon vu-the same mustard as before.

I'm having an out of money experience.

I plan on living forever, so far so good.

A day without sunshine is like night.

There's no need to fear falling -- it's the sudden stop at the bottom that warrants the fear.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it is.

Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

For every act, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Don't sweat petty things...or pet the sweaty things.

Change is inevitable...except from vending machines.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.