In The News...

Confused Campaigns: Dan Quayle hired one of the country's top campaign managers to manage his run for the White House in 2000. "The guy was hired just in time. Quayle was this close to coming out against HMOs in the military." (Argus Hamilton)

Jackpot Joint: A Beverly Hills liquor store owner earned more than $87,000 for selling one of the four winning lottery tickets from Saturday night's big jackpot. "The owner says he will use his winnings to help pay next month's rent." (Werner S. Hass)

Truth is...: According to a survey done for Newsweek, 53% of Americans believe news reporting is often inaccurate. "Oops, wait a second. It was actually 57% who said news reporting is often inaccurate." (Premiere Radio)

Punk Punishments: A Canadian junior league hockey player has been charged with "assault to do great bodily harm" after attacking another player during a game. "If found guilty, he could be sentenced to spend the next 10 years in the major hockey leagues." (Steve Voldseth)

Media Blitz: What a bad month it's been for journalism. "Dateline NBC" has to pay $525,000 for defaming a trucker and trucking company. The Cincinnati Enquirer paid $10 million to Chiquita for stealing company voicemail; the Boston Globe and New Republic fired writers for making up quotes; and CNN retracted its Vietnam nerve gas story. "To top it all off, Jerry Springer just proclaimed himself the 'Most Trusted Man in America.'" (Argus Hamilton)

UNIT 5: "The government is launching an investigation into complaints that U.S. Custom's agents conducted unfair strip searches of women at O'Hare International Airport....Funny enough, the next highest number of strip searches performed by a federal agent was in the Oval Office." (Bill Williams)

Late Delivery: Hong Kong's new Chek Lap Kok Airport, at $20 billion the world's most expensive, came to a screeching halt just days after its opening when its computer system crashed. "There was so much confusion, pirated videos bound for the US will be delayed at least three weeks." (Bob Mills)

Bedside Manner: Allstate recently sued 45 doctors, alleging fraud. The physicians are accused of stealing funds and neglecting patient needs. "The official charge is impersonating an insurance company." (Alan Ray)

Migraine Media: According to the Journal of the American Medical Assn., the better-educated people are, the more likely they are to get headaches. "Today, Excedrin pulled its ads from the 'Jerry Springer Show.'"

A Legacy: President Clinton has announced that after he leaves office, he's going to follow Jimmy Carter's example and build houses for the needy. "But Clinton's houses will be distinctive. They'll have massive stone walls." (LaMonte Laments)

Food for Thought: MRI scans show that teenagers' brains function differently than those of adults. "They had to run MRIs to tell us that?" (Gary Easley)

The Big Exit: The tombstone of movie idol James Dean has been stolen. "The suspects were last seen East of Eden." (Premiere)

Read My Lips: "Newt Gingrich is looking at a trillion dollars in tax cuts -- sounds like a lot of money, but it only goes to seven people." (Michael Feldman)

Viagra Redux: "More and more women are using Viagra now....The National Organization for Women has found that the best way for a woman to use Viagra is to hold it just out of reach of her man until he finishes the chores." (Bill Williams)

Here's Boomer: "Boomer Esiason will take over for Frank Gifford on Monday Night Football. He should see plenty of action this season. Mr. Gifford also left him his address book." (Alan Ray)

Attorneys Present: "Two attorneys will spend 20 years in prison for aiding the Cali drug cartel. What's it called when lawyers are mixed with the most hardened of criminals? A class reunion." (Ray)