In The News...

"You know the difference between Jerry Brown and Bill Clinton? Jerry Brown never exhaled." (Leno)

And the Loser Is: IN the California governor's race, the big loser was this political newcomer, Al Checchi, who spent $40 million and has nothing to show for it. "Today, Ken Starr said, 'Tell me about it.'" (Leno)

More Loss: "Just think of what Checchi could have accomplished if he had taken that $40 million and stuffed it into Bill Clinton's pocket. He'd be ambassador to China right now." (Leno)

Most Favored: "And in another major development, President Clinton announced he wants to renew 'most favored nation' status to China. You know what that means: The check cleared." (Leno)

Checch This: "Forty million bucks on his campaign for governor. Forty million to finish third. That's kind of like the Lakers."

Take Me Out: "The Seattle Mariners' new ballpark, which will open next season, will be known as Safeco Field after the team sold the stadium's rights Thursday to the insurance company. Kids get in free on "Accidental Death & Dismemberment" Night! (Jim Rosenberg)

No Spice: The big story that has rocked the world is that Ginger Spice has left the Spice Girls. "You know the really sad part about all this? She was the one that owned the karaoke machine." (Leno)

Bump in the Night: Did you see that big red bump on President Clinton's forehead? He said he walked into a door. "What really happened is that he was going to meet an intern, and Motel 6 forgot to leave the light on." (Jay Leno)