The Parrot

A man had this parrot and every time he would bring a girl home, the parrot would say "Someone's gonna get laid tonight!" and the girl would get mad and go home.

The man went back to the petshop and told what was going on with his parrot and he asked the petshop owner if he had a female parrot and the petshop owner said "No, but we have a female owl." The the man bought the owl.

Later that night the man brought a girl home and the parrot went off as usual "Someone's gonna get laid tonight!"

The owl said "whoo, whoo?"

The parrot screeched "Not you, you flat-faced-cocksucker".