In The News...

Mr. Potatoe Head: Looks like Dan Quayle will be running for president. "Quayle said today if he doesn't get the Republican nomination in 2000, he will run again in four years, in the year 6000." (Leno)

Shook Up?: "I would like to send this message to my neighbors. That wasn't an earthquake you felt last Sunday. I am happy to announce I now have nuclear weapons." (Dennis Miller)

Bang, Bang -- I'll Shoot You Down: So, Charlton Heston is now the president of the NRA....The new president's first order of business is to start an NRA intern program for frustrated teenage gun nuts.... Heston says the NRA teaches gun safety....Because everyone knows you can't shoot anything with a damaged gun. (Bill Williams)

Pass Me -- Or Else: Newt Gingrich says he will lead a fight in Congress to stop the FCC plan to pay for Internet hookups for schools....He agrees with the new president of the NRA, Charlton Heston that schools should get back to teaching the three R's -- readin', writin' and reloadin'. (Williams)