In The News...

I saw the movie 'Godzilla' over the weekend. You know what matters more than size? A fucking script. -- Dennis Miller on Dennis Miller Live

Scary Moment: President Clinton's plane, Air Force One, disappeared last week from radar for about 36 seconds. "Luckily, Hillary had a LoJack on Bill's pants." (Jay Leno)

Meow: Hillary Clinton's name will accompany a book featuring all the letters people have written to Buddy the dog and Socks the cat. "This shows you the Clintons are maybe a bit odd. They've lost all of Hillary's billing records, they can't find any Whitewater documents, they have no idea where the phone records between the president and Monica Lewinsky are. Yet they have every single letter written to their pets. My cat gets mail, I throw it out after two days." (Leno)

Monica's List: Kenneth Starr has attempted to subpoena lists of books that Monica Lewisnky purchased form Washington, DC, bookstores. Rumors say the lists may include these titles: -"Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Presidency" -"Ten Stupid Women Presidents Do to Mess Up Their Presidency" -"It Takes a Village to Satisfy a Chief Executive" (Bob Shannon)

Deadhead: A major tabloid reports that Charles Manson said that if the Spice Girls ever visited him, he'd be willing to kill himself. "So, apparently, he's not crazy after all." (Leno)

Medical Alert: Officials are investigating the deaths of men who had taken Viagra. "Here's a scary thought: What if Viagra doesn't cure impotence? What if it's just early signs of rigor mortis?" (Leno)