Taxes

There is nothing that can teach speed reading as fast as getting an unexpected letter from the IRS.

There is one difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist. The taxidermist leaves the hide.

Death and taxes will always be with us - but at least death doesn't get worse.

Taxpayer: A person who resents that death and taxes don't come in that order.

Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax return.

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income. -- Alfred E. Neuman

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. -- Albert Einstein

The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take a civil service examination. -- Ronald Reagan

Avoid strong drink. It can make you shoot at a tax-collector... and miss. -- Lazarus Long

Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. -- Herman Wouk

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. -- Arthur C. Clarke

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. -- Tom Lehrer

Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. -- H.L. Mencken

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. -- Will Rogers

There is only one thing I can promise you about the outer space program: Your tax dollar will go further. -- Wernher von Braun

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? -- Peg Bracken

Capital punishment: The income tax. -- Jeff Hayes

I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. -- Arthur Godfrey

The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough voters to win the next election.

The Chinese have a word for it. The Chinese for taxes is Li-Kin, pronounced 'licking.'

Earning money would be a pleasure - if it wasn't so taxing.

TAXATION: A system of revenue based on the principle that you can confiscate only once but you can tax perpetually.

Tax Collector: 1. The only office that seeks the man 2. The man who always soaks the man who is saving up for a rainy day.

The Wages of Sin are the only unwithheld income not taxed by the IRS.

I make a fortune from criticizing the policy of the government, and then hand it over to the government in taxes to keep it going. - G.B. Shaw

I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies. William F. Buckley

Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. Oscar Wilde