Why, Charlie Brown, Why?

A few years ago, Charlie Brown and the "PEANUTS" gang made a new friend who developed leukemia in an animated special titled, WHY, CHARLIE BROWN, WHY?"

Recently, MetLife has put out a series of instructional pamphlets which feature the "PEANUTS" gang dealing with such issues as the loss of a loved one, writing a will, and dealing with a permanent disability.

Now that Charlie Brown is dealing with important issues, how about some "PEANUTS" specials for the kids of the '90s?

• We could learn about V.D. in, "IT BURNS WHEN I URINATE, CHARLIE BROWN."

• Chuck and the Little Red-Headed Girl find out about unwanted pregnancy in, "DAMN STRAIGHT IT'S YOUR BABY, CHARLIE BROWN!"

• Is Linus gay? Find out in, "IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE, CHARLIE BROWN."

• See how the "PEANUTS" gang deals with date rape in, "NO MEANS NO, CHARLIE BROWN!"

• Discover a father's forbidden love in, "IT'S OUR LITTLE SECRET, CHARLIE BROWN."

• What goes on in the mind of a serial killer? Discover the inner workings of Pig Pen's twisted psyche and meet his murderous alter ego, "Mr. Clean" in, "GOD CALLED THE TRAILER PARK AND TOLD ME TO DO IT, CHARLIE BROWN."

• Snoopy deals with his shortcomings after being neutered in "WHY DID YOU CUT MY BALLS OFF, CHARLIE BROWN?"

• Marcy and Peppermint Patty explore their special feelings for each other in "YOU MOW THE GRASS, AND SO DO WE, CHARLIE BROWN"