The Top 16 Other Revelations of Former Mouseketeers

16> Two hits of mescaline from the guy in the mouse suit would get you much happier than a line from the guy in the duck suit.

15> The never-explained disappearance of black Mousketeer "Arnold."

14> Lassie was a boy before those little Mouseketeers bastards showed up.

13> 50-something Mouseketeers forced to give Mike Ovitz a tonguebath as part of his severance package.

12> Doreen now trades lap dances at the senior center for bingo money.

11> Siamese Mouseketeers Cheng and Eng, linked at the ears, were dumped before the first show.

10> Point the mouse ears just right and you can pick up Radio Free Cuba.

9> Roy was actually Al Roker in "whiteface."

8> Cubby ostracized by other members after admission of ear fetish.

7> Cubby "seeded" the female cast members regularly in Walt's crazed attempt to bioengineer a race of untainted mouseketeers.

6> Proof of Chuck's disturbing devotion to the mouse: whisker implants.

5> The leads in Toy Story were named "Buzz" and "Woody" in honor of a Walt, if you know what I mean.

4> Mouseketeers routinely required to attend "Ears Only" dress rehearsals for Uncle Walt and his buddies.

3> Mickey Mouse: high voice, affinity for young children, white/black skin -- sound familiar?

2> Annette got help filling out that sweater from Chip 'n' Dale.

and the Number 1 Other Revelation of Former Mouseketeers...

1> Anyone remember Mouseketeer "Little Teddy" Kaczynski?