No Self Control

Two friends are sitting at a bar. After a bunch of drinks over several hours, one guy hiccups, drops his head down and proceeds to hurl all over himself. wiping his mouth off with his sleeve, he says, "Man i gotta go home. I'm already late and now, i've thrown up all over myself. The old lady is gonna kill me."

The second guy turns to him and says, "naw she won't. Listen you got $20?"

"Yeah why?"

"Take the twenty, put it in your pocket. When you get home, tell your wife some guy threw up on your shirt and he gave you $20 buck for dry cleaning. I do it all the time."

"Great idea" and the boys continued to drink for a few more hours.

Eventually they head home. Sure enough, the guys wife is waiting. As he walks through the door, she says, "look at you! You're pathetic! You're 5 hours late, drunk as a skunk and you've got dried puke all over you"

He says, "wait honey, this guy threw up on me and gave me $20 to clean my shirt. I swear. Check my front pocket."

She reaches in and pulls out TWO twenty dollar bills. "Wait there's 40 bucks here!"

He says, "Oh yeah, he pooped in my pants too!"