In The News...

The action you see on fishing programs is something like the women in _Playboy_. Not actually *fake*, but not remotely typical of the average person's experience. -- Bill Davidsen (davidsen@tmr.com)

Evander Holyfield will fight Lennox Lewis on April 25 in Las Vegas. "Holyfield is the first heavyweight to float like a butterfly and taste like chicken." (Hamilton)

Why Not Just Call It a Supermarket? USA Today has spotted a growing trend toward giant, 4,000-square-foot, 24-hour convenience stores. "They say some of these are so big, they can accommodate up to 200 armed robbers at one time." (Jay Leno)

Cheers: Scientists say a drink a day reduces your chances of dying young. "In a related story, Ted Kennedy's doctor just diagnosed him as immortal." (Premiere)

BRINGS A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO 'COMPUTER BUFF': Hugh and Kimberly Hefner are inviting all of cyberspace to join them for a New Years Eve party at a real black tie affair at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles. The live Webcast will begin at 8:30 p.m. and run to 12:30 a.m. PST. Playboy members will be able to personally interact in a multimedia cybercast, take digital snapshots via Perceptual Robotics' iCaster interactive camera and even take away souvenirs . Nonmembers also were saidto be welcome .(Cowles/Simba Media Daily)

The Iceberg Cometh: "Hollywood is wondering if there's a way to make a sequel to 'Titanic.' It's going to take some creativity. Suppose the survivors are a professor, a movie star, a skipper, a millionaire and his wife... (Argus Hamilton)

It's All Relative: Now that Woody Allen has married the girl he helped raise with Mia Farrow, his stand-up routine could pack extra punch. "He's the first comedian in history who will be able to do mother-in-law jokes about his 'ex-wife.'" (Hamilton)

"Republican efforts to destroy President Clinton are bordering on the obsessive. It's become a Roadrunner cartoon. Dan Burton was last seen in the Maryland countryside painting a fake tunnel into Camp David." (Hamilton)