THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS:

10. There's no "Donny & Marie Hanukkah Special" 9. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway). 8. No need to clean the chimney. 7. There's no latke-nog. 6. Burl Ives doesn't sing Hanukkah songs. 5. You won't be pressured to buy Hanukkah Seals. 4. You won't see, "You're a Putz, Charlie Brown". 3. No barking dog version of "I had a Little Driedl". 2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON WHY HANUKKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS:

1. BLINTZES ARE CHEAPER TO MAIL THAN FRUITCAKES.