The Top 16 Signs You're at a Bad National Park

16> The only pictures Ansel Adams took of it were from inside the women's shower.

15> Joe Camel subbing for vacationing Smokey the Bear.

14> Extremely troubled Head Ranger who blames anything that goes wrong on Scott Baio.

13> A $20 cover and you still gotta pay extra for the lap dances.

12> Malnourished bears holding signs that read "Will caper amusingly for food."

11> According to posted signs, not only may you feed the animals, but afterward, you have a right to expect them to put out.

10> Pauly Shore's face is carved into the side of "Mount Paymore."

9> Bears not only take your picnic basket at gunpoint, but also make off with your Ford Explorer.

8> Your view of the scenery is blocked by reactor units #2 and #3.

7> "Here we see the oldest mobile home formations in the entire White Trash National Park."

6> Waterfalls seem to lose some of their majestic power whenever someone flushes a toilet.

5> Proudly proclaims, "100 percent Spotted Owl Free!"

4> When a squirrel runs by, park ranger bolts, screaming, "Run!! Run for your lives!!"

3> Every couple hundred feet along the hiking trails -- another Starbucks.

2> "Old Faithful" turns out to be a vacationing Frank Gifford.

and the Number 1 Sign You're at a Bad National Park...

1> On the tour, you see more of the Grand Crack in the ranger's ass than you do of the canyon.