The Top 17 Signs Your Airline Attendant is About Ready to Retire

17> Always grumbling about how things were much simpler when Orville and Wilbur ran the business.

16> For dinner, asks, "Ya want the white crap or the yellow crap?"

15> When pointing to the emergency exits, uses nothin' but her middle finger.

14> Occasionally tries to prop-start a 747.

13> Insists on showing you pictures of her prom date with Bob Dole.

12> Loudly refers to pilot and co-pilot as "Opie" and "The Beav."

11> At the security checkpoint, her hip sets off the metal detector.

10> Replaces in-flight movie with racy story about how he and Amelia Earhart founded the Mile High Club.

9> As passengers deplane, forgets to say "bye" and just stands there saying "buh... buh... buh... buh... buh... buh..."

8> No matter what you order, she serves up a nice warm glass of Bosco.

7> After demonstrating the oxygen mask, needs to keep it on.

6> Matches entire business class shot for shot.

5> Uses false teeth to prevent the food cart from rolling down the aisle.

4> Breaks wind so forcefully that the oxygen masks drop.

3> Requests that passengers refrain from using electronic devices such as Wurlitzers, Victrolas, and telegraphs.

2> Excitedly announces that the in-flight movie will be a "talkie."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Airline Attendant is About Ready to Retire...

1> Keeps getting lost on the way to the cockpit.