The Top 15 Signs You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day

15> Phone messages delivered on end of spear.

14> Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slavedriving cheapskate.

13> A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk.

12> When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?

11> First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.

10> It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.

9> Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark.

8> Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.

7> Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.

6> Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tightass."

5> That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake's "I'm A Selfish Pig" episode.

4> Newly-typed org chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."

3> Your computer's mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock device.

2> While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you contains 15 identical "You suck!" entries.

and the Number 1 Sign You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day...

1> Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & hookers."