Signs Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner

The Top 15 Signs Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner

15> Life-saving dinghy doubles as a banana split boat.

14> "Dinner with the Captain" means you wear your Sunday best to eat a bowl of Cap'n Crunch.

13> Shipboard entertainment choice: Shipboard entertainment choice: Wayland Flowers & Madam or Vickie Lawrence Unplugged.

12> The all-you-can-eat buffet is a bowl of Chex mix and a carton of red wine with a straw stuck in it.

11> Their version of "Baked Alaska" consists of a flaming quart of crude oil.

10> At every exotic port of call, the same native custom: Washing the otters and toweling off the rocks.

9> You begin to suspect something when the ship accelerates from "battle speed" to "ramming speed."

8> Other ships' entree: Pheasant under glass. Your ship's entree: Pigeon in a Ziplock bag.

7> Ship's gymnasium? No weights. No Stairmasters. 500 rowing machines.

6> The "poop deck" got it's name for a very legitimate reason.

5> "Your attention please: Fresh Mexican strawberries are now being served on the Prominade deck."

4> "Ice sculpture" on the buffet table is in the shape of an Igloo cooler.

3> The urinal in your bathroom is actually a small window overlooking the pool.

2> Kathy Lee says you have to finish 100 sweatshirts before you get shore leave.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cruise Ship Isn't A Luxury Liner...

1> "Welcome aboard the Valdez. I'm Captain Hazelwood."