The Top 15 Signs You Have a Gambling Problem

15> Your attempt to sweet-talk your wife by comparing her eyes to "two oranges and a cherry" fails dismally.

14> Who knew you'd lose your shirt betting Bruce would go bald before Demi?

13> It's not that you bet on the Australians to win; it's that you bet on the America's Cup in the first place!

12> You wagered against Ellen being gay... Double or nothing on Wolfe Blitzer!

11> Ceasar's Palace sends a limo to pick you up - and you live in Rushville, Indiana.

10> Although uncredited, you were in more scenes of "Leaving Las Vegas" than Nicolas Cage.

9> Strong desire to have sex with Keith Richards and/or Courtney Love. 8> Every night during "Wheel of Fortune," you scream, "Screw the vowels, spin the damn wheel!!"

7> You bet "yes" on whether or not your suicide attempt will be successful.

6> Every year you have to get a goofy haircut because you lose the bet about being elected into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

5> You're the proud inventor of a do-it-yourself gold filling extractor. 4> When your 12-year old complains about conditions in the mines, you retort, "Try slaving over a hot craps table all day, kid!"

3> That stack of lottery tickets in your shirt pocket is thick enough to stop a bullet.

2> Donald's newest casino: The Trump Taj MaLarry. Your name: Larry.

and the Number 1 Sign You Have a Gambling Problem...

1> When someone spins a lazy Susan, you slap a C-note on the counter and yell, "Creamed corn, baby, come on!"