The Top 14 Pet Peeves of Joe Camel

14> Sure, he gets children started on the road towards harder, more profitable drugs -- but does he see a dime of it?

13> Forget about a mile -- he can't even walk to the mailbox without getting winded.

12> His brother, Roger Camel, trading on his celebrity to get recording contract.

11> Can't go to a Toys 'R Us without some kid trying to bum one off him.

10> One hump: good. One lung: bad.

9> Hard to buy a politician these days without ending up on CNN.

8> Those bastards at Liggett spent forty million on their new mascot -- "Mister Puffy", the cancer-ridden moose.

7> Humpday comes only once a week.

6> Every time a crime victim describes their attacker as a guy with "a face like male genitalia," he gets hauled in for a police lineup.

5> Emphysema keeps getting in the way of those "River Dance" auditions.

4> No matter how well you play the sax, Hillary still goes for the guy who doesn't even INHALE, fer crissakes.

3> "Dammit, why doesn't one of them just kill Gilligan?"

2> Indecent exposure charges whenever he blows his nose.

and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Joe Camel...

1> Constantly being mistaken for Joe PenisHead.