The Top 13 Ways To Seem "Presidential"

13> Instead of paying your bills, stamp a big red "VETO" on them.

12> Continuous loop of "Hail to the Chief" on your boom box.

11> Close your eyes, spin the globe, point, and send in troops.

10> Sink your wooden teeth into a Big Mac or two, then tell the manager to bill the Federal Reserve.

9> When faced with character assassination, stand tall and laugh it off. When faced with actual assassination, duck.

8> End every statement with, "Viva El Presidente! That's Me!"

7> Make the wife and kids run alongside the car wearing trenchcoats and sunglasses, looking around nervously and speaking into their watches.

6> As Commander-In-Chief, declare war on spouse for stealing the remote.

5> Affix your "Presidential Seal" to anything in a skirt, if you know what I mean.

4> Avoid falling off stages.

3> Simply ignore Ross Perot when he tries to jump up and bite you in the knee.

2> Always keep pants in full upright and locked position.

and the Number 1 Way To Seem "Presidential"...

1> Lie like there's no tomorrow!!!