Bear Hunting

A guy goes hunting in the forest, equipped with a brand new, high-tech rifle equipped with telescopic laser-assisted sight -- the works. After a while, he happens upon a huge bear in a clearing. Carefully, he takes aim and, sure that he can't possibly miss this sitting target, fires.

He walks over to where the bear was sitting, and can see no sign of it -- the bear has completely vanished. He stands there scratching his head, and then feels a tap on his shoulder, and turning round, sees the bear.

"Do you know what happens to people who shoot at bears and miss?" asks the bear. "No," replies the hunter. "Well, drop your trousers and bend over," instructs the bear. The hunter has little choice but to comply, and you know what happens next.

The hunter staggers home, and resolves to kill the bear after this humiliating experience. He goes out and buys a high powered pump-action shotgun with 500 rounds of ammunition, and sets out into the forest to track down the bear.

At length he finds the bear and lets loose with the shotgun, blasting away for about five minutes. When he runs out of ammo, he sees a scene of utter carnage -- the forest floor is littered with birds, rabbits, deer -- but the bear is nowhere to be seen. He then feels a tap on his shoulder.

"You know what happens to people who shoot at bears a second time and miss?" asks the bear. Resignedly, the hunter drops his trousers and bends over. The bear then puts two claws between his teeth, and lets out a loud whistle -- and a few of his bear friends come running and they all queue up and well, you know what happens next.

The hunter crawls home and resolves more firmly than ever that he will hunt down this bear and utterly obliterate it. He goes out and buys a kill-anything, Gatling-action elephant gun and 3000 rounds of shells and sets off once more into the forest.

The bear realizes something is up, and does everything to elude the crazed hunter, doubling back, covering his tracks, laying down false leads, but after some weeks, the hunter finally brings him to bay in a grove of giant redwoods. Cackling maniacally, he lets rip with everything he's got -- trees are scythed down by the hail of bullets, and the force of the recoil flattens him against the trunk of one of the redwoods. Eventually the smoke and dust clear, and he realizes that the bear is not there. With resignation, he waits awhile and then feels a tap on the shoulder.

"Look," says the bear, "are you sure you're only here for the hunting?"