The Top 16 Euphemisms for Masturbation

16> Lap-based web browsing

15> Gettin' some air nookie

14> Wrangling the invertebrate serpent

13> Tango Con Mano

12> Jostling your Elder

11> Ruminating & Pondering

10> Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend

9> Releasing the hostages

8> Tickling your Elmo

7> Fixing the Hubble

6> Putting the seminal luge team through their paces

5> Carnal Tunnel Syndrome

4> Beta-testing the hardware

3> Downloading from your own website

2> Evicting the testicular squatters

and the Number 1 Euphemism for Masturbation...

1> Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship's Primary Cannon by Repeated Linear Manipulation