THE MICROSOFT CUSTOMER RESPONSE CENTER!

Have you ever wondered why Microsoft has a Customer Response Center instead of a technical help line! You just have to ring them up to find out:

Welcome to the Microsoft Customer Response Center, this system is computerized to help you reach the person you need with greater ease. If you know the number of the person you want to talk to press it now, otherwise choose from the following menu.

Press 1 to hear that we've released a new operating system so your software is no longer supported.

Press 2 to be told that we know that there's a bug in our software, but we're not going to admit it's there.

Press 3 to be told that yes there's an upgrade to your software available but we just couldn't be bothered to tell anyone.

Press 4 to hear that you'll have to pay for a bug fix upgrade that adds no extra functionality.

Press 5 to hear that although we'd really like to write VB for the Mac we think it would reduce sales of Windows 95, so we're not going to.

Press 6 to hear that although Word 5 for the Mac was one of the fastest word processors around and Word 6 is one of the slowest it's not our fault, and we didn't deliberately cripple it to hinder Mac sales.