Top 14 tips for surviving college

14> Minimize your food budget- plan classes around "Happy Hours."

13> Enjoy being a Sophomore -- It will be the best three years of your life.

12> Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it's all fun and games until someone loses their 'nads.

11> Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.

10> Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative "home pharmaceuticals" business.

9> If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.

8> Boring lecture? Start a wave!

7> College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.

6> "I Phelta Thi" is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.

5> Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster.

4> Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.

3> Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.

2> Don't think of it as sleeping with your professor -- think of it as "acing Biology."

and the Number 1 Tip for Surviving College...

1> In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.