SNAP JUDGEMENTS ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN

The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.

Train yourself to recognize - and decode these key "signs":

1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. -Doesn't engage in oral sex.

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. -No foreplay.

3. Man can't hail a cab. -Impotent.

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. -Prefers virgins.

5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way there. -Is a virgin.

6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. -Compulsive Don Juan.

7. Insists on going to a homey little cafe. -Compulsive Don Quixote.

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. -Compulsive Don Ho.

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant. -Will swallow.

10. Wants to go to a deli. -Won't swallow.

11. Uses Sweet n' Low. -Wears falsies.

12. Takes too long deciding what to order. -Has trouble reaching orgasm.

13. Orders salad dressing on the side. -Will give a hand job, but won't go "all the way".

14. Gives explicit orders to the waiter or waitress. -Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed. -Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue.

16. Insists on ordering for you. -Thinks that you had an orgasm when you didn't.

17. Asks for "the usual". -Insists on missionary position only.

18. Asks what the specials are. -Will want you to use handcuffs.

19. Fills up on bread and crackers. -Premature ejaculator.

20. Doesn't finish everything on the plate. -Has already come.

21. Insists on having some of what you ordered. -Will make you sleep on the wet spot.

22. Changes mind after ordering. -Will never call you.

23. Changes tables. -Nymphomaniac.

24. Drinks decaf. -Fakes orgasm. (Female)

25. Orders in French. -Fakes orgasm. (Male)

26. Sends food back. -Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, and then try to borrow money.

27. Asks for detailed descriptions of the desserts. -Needs you to talk dirty during sex.

28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. -Wants a hand job.

29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. -Castrating bitch.

30. Wants to split dessert. -Is dying to move in with you and rearrange all your closets.

31. Credit card is refused. -Low sperm count.

32. Undertips waiter. -Small penis.

33. Undertips parking valet. -Small penis.

34. Undertips cabby. -Small penis.

35. Uses a toothpick. -Is trying to tell you size isn't everything.

36. Has a removable cassette player in car. -Pulls out repeatedly during sex.

37. Has a cellular phone in car. -Has a penile implant.