The Top 15 Signs Your Dog Has a Problem With Alcohol

15> Wakes up looking for a little hair o' the human who bit him.

14> Won't go near that darn chuck wagon, but when the bar cart rolls through, he's off like a shot.

13> Lately, you've noticed that he'll even hump a really UGLY leg.

12> No matter what you throw for him to fetch, always returns with a bottle of Cuervo and a lime.

11> Chases pink elephants around the yard instead of squirrels.

10> The only game she'll play with you is "Quarters."

9> Spends more time hugging the toilet bowl than actually slurping from it.

8> Sells house, moves to Vegas, shacks up with beautiful hooker.

7> Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in "dog beers."

6> When he hikes his leg at the fireplug he keeps falling over backwards.

5> Won't drink out of the toilet unless there's an olive in it.

4> Just signed to do a remake of "Old Yeller" with Kelsey Grammer and Robert Downey, Jr.

3> After a few too many at the office party, tries to pick up the boss's bitch.

2> "Ri *ruv* you, man!!"

and the Number 1 Signs Your Dog Has a Problem With Alcohol...

1> He used to bark -- now he just belches the chorus to "Louie, Louie."