The Top 16 Signs Your Hair is on Fire

16> You receive a mysterious employment offer from the "Fantastic Three."

15> For a brief moment, you forget about those flaring hemorrhoids.

14> Moose and squirrel lead exodus of singed forest creatures to refuge in your pants.

13> Stoners' remark about your "trippy hat, dude."

12> Blistered wood paneling in your double-wide.

11> Julia Child flambes crepes in your Stetson.

10> Your Cocoa Krispies have that charcoal-broiled head lice taste.

9> Flight attendants repeatedly remind you that this is a non-smoking flight.

8> A jealous Don King puts a gun to your head and demands to know your secret.

7> Your team dumps Gatorade on you in the 1st quarter.

6> For some inexplicable reason, you just wish it would rain.

5> Strange urge to bleach skin, buy a llama, and "befriend" little boys.

4> No matter which lane you drive your convertible in, that damn firetruck is still behind you.

3> Smokey the Bear keeps crapping on your bald spot.

2> Suddenly, your date, Tori Spelling, exhibits a *second* facial expression!

and the Number 1 Sign Your Hair is on Fire...

1> Someone always seems to hoist you overhead during "Freebird."