What if condoms had corporate sponsors?

Absolut Condoms: ABSOLUT BONER. Arch Deluxe Condoms: The condom with the grown up taste. Avis Condoms: Trying harder than ever. BASF: We don't make the condom, we make the condom moister. California Lotto Condoms: Who's next? Campbell's Soup Condoms: Mm, mm good. Chevy Condoms: Like a Rock. Coca Cola Condoms: Always the Real Thing. Dial Condoms: Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did? Diet Pepsi Condoms: You got the right one, baby. EverReady Condoms: Keeps going and going ... Flinstones Vitamins Condom Pack: Ten million strong and growing. Ford Condoms: The best never rest. GE Condoms: We bring good things to life. KFC Condoms: Finger-Licking Good. Lays Condoms: 'Betcha can't have just one. M&M's Condoms: Melts in your mouth not in your hands. Macintosh Condoms: It does more, it costs less, it's that simple. Mentos Condoms: The Freshmaker. Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today? Nature Valley Condoms: The Candy Bar Nature Intended. New York Lotto Condoms: 'Cause hey -- you never know. Nike Condoms: Just do it. Pontiac Condoms: We build excitement. Pringles Condoms: Once you pop, you can't stop. Secret Condoms: Strong enough for a man, but PH balanced for a woman. Toyota Condoms: Oh, what a feeling! VW Condoms: Drivers wanted.