Press 666 if you're Satan...

A little bit of medical humor.... True story. Someone who works for the County of Santa Barbara found this as the voice mail for another department:

(Imagine a sweet, endearing voice.)

"Welcome to County Mental Health Services.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1, repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer."