The Top 16 Signs Your Cat has a Personality Disorder

16> Couldn't muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it! 15> You've repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.

14> Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.

13> Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.

12> No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again...

11> Continually scratches on the door to get in... the OVEN door.

10> Doesn't get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.

9> Rides in your car with its head out the window.

8> She's a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.

7> You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

6> Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty "9 Lives" cans.

5> Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.

4> After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.

3> Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.

2> Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat has a Personality Disorder...

1> Makes an attempt on "First Cat" Sock's life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.