The Shit List

The Differences in the Religions:

TAOISM: Shit Happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confuscious says,"Shit Happens"

BUDDHISM: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.

ZEN: What is the sound of shit happening?

HINDUISM: This shit happened before

BONZAI BOZOISM: Make shit happen.. OH SHIT!!

ISLAM: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else.

CATHOLICISM: If shit happens, you deserve it.

JUDAISM: Why does this shit always happen to us?

ATHEISM: I don't believe this shit.

AGNOSTICISM: What is this shit?

SHINTOISM: Everything except Japan is Shit.

EXISTENTIAL: I shit, therefore I sit.

MINIMALIST: Shit

VEGETARIAN: Don't eat that shit!

DEJA VU: I've been through this shit before.

LAO-TZU: It is utterly pointless to try to explain shit.

GERTRUDE STEIN: A shit is a shit is a shit.

BUSH: A thousand points of shit.

SOVIET UNION: That shit just didn't work.

CASTRO: We have to make this shit work somehow.

EASTERN ORTHODOX: Rome doesn't know shit.

SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST: Shit happens everyday but Saturday.

UNITARIAN: Shit is all basically the same.

HOLISTIC: There's more shit here than I figured on.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Want to buy a subscription to our Shit?

CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST: If Shit happens, don't worry. It will go away on its own.

JAINISM: When Shit happens don't step in it.

CALVINISM: If you're not saved, tough Shit.

BORN AGAIN: Shit happens but I am saved.

SCIENTOLOGY: This Shit is expensive.

NEW AGE: Crystal power counteracts Shit.

JESUITISM: If Shit happens and no one hears it, did it really make a sound?

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens, Rama, Rama.

SATANISM: Shit rules!

STOICISM: So Shit happens, Big deal. I can take it.

HEDONISM: When Shit happens, enjoy it!

RASTAFARIANISM: Let's smoke this Shit.

CLINTONISM: Just don't inhale that Shit.

NATIVE AMERICAN CHURCH: We want our Shit back!

RLDS: Brigham is full of Shit.

MORMONISM: It's evil to say "Shit."

DEMOCRATISM: How can we send a man to the moon and still have all this shit?

REPUBLICANISM: There's nothing like a good shit. Flush the toilet.

FEMINISM: Put the seat back down, you Shit.

SECULAR HUMANISM: Shit evolves.

FUNDAMENTALISM: Born-again shit.

EVANGELISM: Shit happens. (Pass it on.)

EPISCOPALIAN: Fecal matter occurs.

JIM JONESISM: If shit happens, drink Kool-Aid.