In The News...

Famed Anthropologist Mary Leakey died at the age of 83. Leakey was buried near her home, where she will rest in peace, until some nosy anthropologist digs her up. -- Norm MacDonald

Annals of Television: Two men whose fishing boat sank near Hawaii on Dec. 9 were rescued from a raft this week. "However," Premiere Morning Sickness reports, "after hearing that Tom Arnold would be starring in another sitcom, Richard Enslow and David Summers quickly paddled back out to sea."

The Bryant Gumbel farewell garnered the highest. "Today Show" ratings in seven years. "It just goes to show that if you give the viewers what they want, they'll tune in," says Bob Mills.

Science Watch: Government and auto industry officials are debating which crash dummies best imitate humans in accidents. Says Paul Ryan, "They can't decide whether it's the ones who play with the radio and do their makeup, or the ones who eat Danishes and spill hot coffee in their laps."