The Top 14 Problems With Being Married to Superman

14> Oh sure, he can leap over tall buildings in a single bound, but try getting him to mow the lawn.

13> Thanksgiving in Smallville every friggin' year.

12> Evidence of interplanetary philandering awfully hard to come by.

11> Krypto the Super Dog keeps breaking guests' shins at dinner parties. 10> Turns the Earth backwards an hour if he misses "Melrose."

9> Turns out that straight-laced Clark Kent is one mighty kinky S.O.B.

8> His way of ending every argument with, "And who's the one who saved the world last week?!?"

7> More powerful than a locomotive, especially after a 7-11 burrito.

6> Whenever he sees that damn "Bat-Signal" up in the sky, he's impotent for days.

5> Always asking, "Do these tights make my ass look fat?"

4> Loves that "pull my finger" gag, despite the damage it causes to your home's foundation.

3> Before you married, he could move entire planets -- now, he can't move his ass off the couch.

2> Is it "the change," or is he just playing with his heat vision again?

and the Number 1 Problem With Being Married to Superman...

1> A homeless, toothless Margo Kidder keeps showing up on your doorstep and bellowing, "He's mine! Do you hear me?! He's mine!!"