REASONS WHY CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS BETTER THAN CAPTAIN PICARD

• One word: hair
• More hair than all previous Star Trek commanding officers combined.
• Drinks coffee, not that sissy "Earl Grey" stuff.
• Beams down to the planet like real Captains should.
• Mutes the doctor when the doctor gets out of line.
• Hasn't let an adolescent pilot the Federation flagship -- yet.
• Commanded ships blown up: Picard: 2 Janeway: 0
• Voyager needs a female Captain. Its Captain must be willing to admit they're lost and pull over for directions.
• Picard likes to talk his way through. Janeway likes to punch her way through.
• Hasn't quoted Shakespeare -- yet.
• Looks better in sleepwear.
• Gives guilt trips that would make a Jewish mother proud.
• Isn't French with an English accent.
• "Take this cheese to sickbay!"
• Will give you two days off to ponder your lifeshattering experience.
• Janeway says "I don't like you!" to her enemies instead of trying to convince them to behave better.
• To comfort children, Janeway cares for them in a loving motherly way. Picard sings a song... in French... about a monk... who can't wake up for morning bells.
• The only children on Voyager can be turned off at will.
• Janeway has a First Officer with a tattoo.
• She doesn't have any pesky Federation Admirals to get in her way.
• Three words: Compression Phaser Rifles.
• Acknowledges freely when she breaks the Prime Directive instead of trying to weasel her way out of it with philosophical ramblings.
• 15 episodes without surrendering the ship.
• 15 episodes and Wesley has yet to save the ship.
• Janeway's holo programs create useful things like doctors and lungs. Picard's holodecks create maniacal evil geniuses who yet again take over the ship.
• She doesn't need to straighten her uniform every time she stands.
• Janeway has never worn green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest. However, if she did, she would look fantastic!
• Kirk looked good in ripped shirts; Picard looked good without a shirt; Janeway would look... no, they can't do that on network television.
• Cheese
• Doesn't force her crew to wear awful outfits, unless it is to blend in with a primitive planet.
• She doesn't waste time learning foreign languages. All lifeforms in the Delta Quadrant speak perfect English.
• Her engineer does not wear a banana clip over her eyes.
• Slouches in her chair even in critical life-threatening moments.
• Doesn't have a Counselor on board (thank God!).
• Her telepath only lives nine years.
• Janeway heard the words "boldly go where no man (er, woman) has gone before" and took them to the extreme.
• Picard tells alien cultures, "I hope our two cultures will one day come to a greater understanding." Janeway threatens them with "the deadliest of force".
• Janeway's Security Chief would never grow a ponytail.
• The high point of Enterprise cuisine were scrambled eggs that only Worf could stomach.
• Janeway doesn't have to point which way to go when they set off.
• Maintains an elaborate hairdo that would baffle even Princess Leia.
• Has mastered facial expression understood by all to mean, "Boy, Paris, are YOU ever stupid."
• Cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. I can't help myself!
• Hugs her Vulcan from time to time.
• Has a more manly voice.
• Doesn't have a starship that splits in half when it's in a tight spot.
• Has a dog and a significant other, not some damn fish!
• Kes. Troi. No contest.
• Nealix. Replicator. Ok, this one's debatable.
• At least she doesn't have to yell "Hot!" at her cook every time she wants something to drink.
• Her ship has neat-looking folding warp nacelles.
• Her CONN officer actually went through the Academy.
• Her CONN officer can use contractions.
• Her first officer has a hallucinogenic device.
• None of the crew members' relatives have ever tried to take over the ship, invade the Federation, steal a starship, or enslave all humankind.
• To help her relax, Janeway's first officer helps her contact her spirit guide. Picard's first officer helps him get... to Risa.