In The News...

"Have you seen the new reality TV show from the NFL? It's called "Real Stories Of The Cowboy Patrol." -- Paul Harris

"San Francisco quarterback Steve Young has so many bruises, you'd think he was dating a Dallas Cowboy. -- Dave The Predictor

"The Cowboys have gone from "America's Team" to "Lorton's Team." -- Paul Harris HARRIS IN THE MORNING ARROW 94.7, Washington's Classic Rock

Easy does it: To help avoid injuries, the surgeon general recommends that Americans exercise less vigorously and less often in 1997. Says Johnny Robish, "In a dramatic display of patriotism, million of Americans have pledged to do their part."

Adds Jerry Perisho, "To get any less exercise than I get now, I'd have to hire an aide to pop my beer tops, trim my toenails and flip the channels for me."

New Year's revelers left some 30,000 tons of trash in Times Square. Says the Cutler Daily Scoop, "New York plans to recycle the garbage as tabloid newspapers."

Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan proposed marriage to NBC reporter Andrea Mitchell. They've been dating for 12 years. Says Hamilton, "Her mother always told her that it's just as easy to fall in love with a man who controls the world's money supply as it is to fall in love with one who doesn't."

Adds Perisho, "He felt they needed to spice up their relationship. Apparently, his 'robust inflationary movement' of the '80s had deteriorated to 'lackluster trickle-down stagflation.'"