More Scoring Rules for Guys

SIMPLE DUTIES You go out to buy spring-fresh extra-light panty liners w/wings: +5 But return with beer: -5 You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her father: -10

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS You stay by her side the entire party: 0 You stay by her side for a while,then leave to chat w/a drinking buddy: -2 Named Tiffany: -4 Tiffany is a dancer: -6 Tiffany has implants: -8 SATURDAY AFTERNOONS You visit her parents: +1 You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3 You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in underwear: -6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15

HER BIRTHDAY You take her out to dinner: 0 You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar: +1 Okay, it is a sports bar: -2 And it's all-you-can-eat night: -3 It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night: -5 And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team: -10 You give her a gift: 0 You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10 You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1 You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2 You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30 You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10 With her credit card: -30 And whatever you bought is two sizes too big: -40

THOUGHTFULNESS You forget to pick her up at the bus station: -25 Which is in Newark, New Jersey: -35 And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

A NIGHT OUT WITH YOUR PALS You have a few beers: -9 For every beer after three, -2 And miss curfew by an hour: -12 You get home at 3 a.m.: -20 You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars: -30 And not wearing any pants: -40 Is that a tattoo? -200

A NIGHT OUT, JUST THE TWO OF YOU You go see a comic: +2 He's crude and sexist: -2 You laugh: -5 You laugh too much: -10 She's not laughing: -15 You laugh harder: -25

DRIVING You lose the directions on a trip: -4 You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10 You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15 In "the" bad part of town & meet the locals up close & personal: -25 She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0 When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5 You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10 She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10