In the News...

Safeway has made a $1.7 billion offer for Vons markets. The original offer was $2 billion, but then Safeway pulled out a huge stack of double coupons.

Pope John Paul II proclaimed his belief that God and science can coexist. Of course they can. Who do you think got me through my chemestry tests?

Researchers say men and women perceive pain differently. For example, women feel pain during childbirth, while men feel pain during Monday Night Football.

Informants say mob leaders want to oust John Gotti as head of the Gambino family. Insiders claim it will take a lot to fill his shoes. Yeah, like two bags of cement...

A clinic in Arizona is testing caffeine in IV drips for patients who get headaches after surgery. The best part of waking up, is Folger's in your arm. (Leno)