In The News....

President Clinton has signed the Maternity Bill, which oddly enough, is also his nickname.

The House Ethics Committee is investigating Newt Gingrich. Spokesmen for the speaker continue to insist that he has never personally been involved with ethics in any way.

Rumors have it that JFK Jr.'s new bride is pregnant. If it's a boy I bet they call him John John John.

After just five weeks on the pro golf tour, Tiger Woods dropped out of a tournament, claiming exhaustion. To recover from the stress of getting paid millions to play golf while someone else carries his clubs, perhaps he should take a nice relaxing ride in rush hour traffic and work a refreshing 9 to 5 job for awhile...

Los Angeles Police Chief Willie Williams broke ground for a museum of LAPD history. It's only fair - we have a Museum of Tolerance - both sides deserve equal time.

And finally, a street in Hollywood is being renamed in honor of Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. It's a cult-de-sac.