In The News...

A 70-year-old man was jailed in Edna, Texas, after a state trooper pulled him over and found 3 million Valium pills in his car. Says Perisho, "You may not have heard of Edna. It's a sleepy little town..."

San Francisco hosted a big accordion festival this past weekend. Says Mills, "When the Monterey Jazz Festival heard about it, it pulled up stakes and moved farther down the coast."

Adds the Cutler Daily Scoop, "Sales of accordions have increased 36%. So maybe the rise in teen drug use isn't the most disturbing trend in society."

The National Enquirer says Tori Spelling's weight has dropped to 95 pounds. Says Premiere Morning Sickness, "Spelling insists she doesn't have a problem, she's just trying to get back to her original weight of 7 pounds, 3 ounces."