LowComDom Performances Presents
Las Vegas - The Stress Test
Once again, we managed to get more money from the NEA than we needed for our second web project. This time it was a whole lot more, so we decided to send three people to New York City.
Once again, we used our standard criteria for deciding who to send.
We'd like to point out that Mongo is now the record holder in this competition. We made him the primary photographer; thus you only see him in a couple shots.
[Editors Note: We're still not revealing who our postman is most afraid of.]
Here we see Svlad the Impaler conning Trouble into carrying his tuxedo. Svlad's carry-on luggage was getting too big after packing the pikes and hand grenades.
Trouble is either doing a horrible job mooning the camera or he is demonstrating the wrong way to pack. Remember: Always pack with your legs, not with your back.
We were able to send three on the trip, but we couldn't afford first class airfare. We settled for Jimmy Joe's crop dusting service. The next time you need to spread poison on a field, may we suggest Jimmy Joe's?
We finally got to New York, but found Manhattan to be much smaller than we expected. Screw this! Let's get back on the plane!
Mongo wanted to go to Atlanta to see the "World of Coke" museum, but the people who went to the Olympics stripped it bare. Well, the hell with that! Back on the plane!
We ultimately arrived at a place that was big and could handle any rowdy crowd. Las Vegas, Nevada (as opposed to Las Vegas, Rhode Island.)
Having a great time, Mom. My room marked with an "X".
Svald! That's not a "working girl"! If you want that sort of thing, we could have gone to Washington, D.C.!
Svlad: "I'm getting her number!"
Mongo: "She's not a working girl, either. Besides, she's calling my room!"
Mongo:"You know, I was originally hoping to hit Manhattan in style. Maybe take in a show, eat some great food. What do you say, boys?"
Mongo: "That's better! Now where the hell is the Theatre District Taco Bell?"
No trip would be complete without a Top 10 list. So here are the Top 10 things heard on our trip to Vegas
Mongo: "Give me my goddamned money back!"
This terrible trio stayed up all night and played all day (well if you don't count the required two hours of sleep a day.) But there is a part of the day when the casinos hired blackjack dealers who never let you win. Our solution? Look at women in the pool!
Mongo: "OK, keep moving to my right... more... more..."
The Rio is one of our favorite hotels. The cocktail waitresses wear butt floss and are very friendly. Once Mongo got drunk in this bar and wrote a major piece of software for a very large company. This just proves that if the Long Island is mixed right and the women are beautiful, you don't need a computer science degree.
Our waitress this trip, Michelle, helped us conduct a scientific survey.
Mongo: "Hey, it feels real!"
Trouble: "You're right, it does feel real!"
Svlad: "I've forgotten what real feels like."
Alas, the gambling, smoking, chasing and trouble-making had to end. (We had early court dates back in California Monday morning.) We packed our bags and headed home.
Trouble's success at the blackjack table went to his head. He required we address him as "Your Filthy Richness" until we got home.
[Editors Note: All three of our travelers survived their court appearances the next day. Mongo argued and won on a technicality that all cooking is based on the boiling of water, and since the meal in question was dry as the Sahara (The desert, not the casino) it was not food the boys had refused to pay for. No wonder the postman is afraid of him!]