LowComDom Performances Presents
Where's Svlad? - Abduction in Mexico
One of the biggest secrets we've had to keep (yes, we are custodian to some whoppers) has been the story we now reveal. It's one of those things you never think is going to hit home, and when it does, you keep second guessing that you are doing the right thing.
LowComDom used to get it's primary funding via a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Near the end of a grant we would pony up all the left over money (You MUST spend it all) and do one of these trips. The "fun" started at the end of our last grant.
It was time to blow the last of the NEA dough. Moockie, Mongo, Trouble, and Svlad headed for that home away from home, Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
We should have known it wasn't all going to be fun and games when Trouble forgot to bring his passport. Well, he didn't forget, the beautician waxing his bikini line told him he wouldn't need it.
Fifty bucks and an affidavit later, everyone was allowed to pile onto the plane.
Most of the group were going primarily for the industrial drinking that happens in Cabo.
Svlad on the other hand decided to do some industrial woman chasing and picked one up in the airport.
No it wasn't the deadly AIDS virus or anything like that. What Svlad didn't know was his "date" wasn't an ordinary girl. (I know what you are thinking, she didn't have an adam's apple either.) That was the last we saw of the lad.
It became very obvious when Svlad didn't come back for dinner, breakfast, brunch, lunch, and then dinner again, that we started to wonder what happened. He could be dead by the side of the road, or he could have found a truck-load of vitamin E. Mongo ventured out to see what had happened.
Moockie and Svlad go back a long time. In fact Moockie had planned this trip as a chance to catch up on revenge for all those times Svlad would quietly walk behind Moockie and kick his desk.
Moockie decided to bug Svlad's room with a camera to do a little blackmail. Without these images we would never have figured out what happened.
Now we're not saying that Cabo is an un-friendly place, or that there's a lot of crime. Far be it. The locals are very friendly, and we've never been cheated out of anything. But it is normal for there to be a certain element in any tourist town. We figured it was possible that Svlad had gone off to a gambling hall and ticked off the proprietor.
Mongo did find that Svlad and his "date" had been to the gambling hall. The proprietor said there had been an argument and the "date" and some large guys hauled Svlad away.
Having seen Casino a million times, Trouble decided that someone was probably burying Svlad in the desert that very moment. We decided to sprint into action.
Moockie and Mongo rented All Terrain Vehicles.
Trouble ordered another round.
The boys saddled up and headed into the desert.
What we found was sagebrush and sand dunes until we got to the Pacific ocean.
Finally, we came upon an old lighthouse with three ATVs parked outside. Okay, you might confuse us for Arnold Schwarzenegger and think we'd bust down the door, guns blazing to rescue Svlad. You would be very wrong.
Remember, we're geeks! We fly desks for a living. We survive in Sillycon Valley with our brains. Besides, we didn't bring any guns, and quite frankly, our asses were really sore from the drive in. We needed professional help.
The first thing you want to do when you're in a foreign country and one of your friends has been kidnapped is to have a drink.
Then call the American Consulate.
"Hello? American Consulate? I'd like to call in an air strike por favor. Hello? Hello?" (After redialing) "I'd like to speak to the head Spook. I work for Biff Pondwater. Hello? Hello?"
Eventually, Biff's name got us to the right guy. The Consulate couldn't get us any planes, but did loan us a butt-load of explosives.
If you ever, ever need explosives always buy American. I think there was a little too much diesel and not quite enough fertilizer in this one, but it really messed up the lighthouse.
Alas, we did not find Svlad. We continued to circulate his picture around town, but in the end, we had to conclude that he was taken from the light house to a boat. The big questions are where did they take him, and why?
Next Time: Part 2 Revelations