LowComDom Performances Presents
Tech Support Rules
1. DO NOT talk over me. You can't do what I tell you to do if you're constantly jabbering bullshit over me. I talk...you do.
2. DO NOT call me and then put me on hold. You called me, genius! You want my help, stay on the line and listen. We have much better things to do than talk to you anyway.
3. DO NOT read long error messages to me unless I ask you to. Do you honestly think we get anything out of a 50 digit hex number?
4. DO NOT start off a call by saying anything in the neighborhood of "Hi, how's it going" or "busy today?" That just serves to piss us off. Get to the problem so we can get you off the phone.
5. DO NOT get pissed when we tell you that your system is royally screwed. We didn't screw it up. It wasn't us. We're simply telling it like it is.
6. DO NOT call about unrelated products. We DO NOT know the intimate details of every piece o' crap shareware program you dredge out of the Internet. Nor do we want to.
7. We DO NOT manufacture modems, write e-mail programs or engineer browsers. If something in this arena goes wrong, call the people who made the goddamned thing.
8. YOU DON'T USE THE INTERNET TO FAX! Can't stress that one enough.
9. DO NOT make us sit there on the phone while you tip toe through setup instructions so easy they were originally tested on lab chimps. We have better things to do than act as zoo keepers.