LowComDom Performances Presents
New Stock Market Terms for 2009
CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
Bull Market -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets nothing.
Value Investing -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker -- What my broker has made me.
Standard & Poor -- Your life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Cash Flow -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Institutional Investor -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit -- An archaic word no longer in use. As in "false prophet".