LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
Survey Says: According to a survey by a deodorant company, one third of men say they immediately think of sex when the hear the word "bathroom." Reached for comment, the other two-thirds of the men in the survey said, "Hey, I'm thinking about sex here!" (Steve Voldseth)
Disney Cutbacks: Walt Disney company announced plans yesterday, to eliminate 4000 jobs.
--Starting today, Disney theme park guests will be greeted by "Snow White and the Seven Interns."
--When asked what they thought of the layoffs, many Disney cartoon characters said, quote, "We're just nineteen-year- olds in costumes" and "Where can we buy some weed?" (Voldseth)
Do you think Disney executives sang a lament, after reaching the decision to cut thousands of jobs?
"Now it's time to say goodbye to part of our company....
"M-I-C ... See you on the street!
"K-E-Y ... Why? Because of earnings!
Endorse This: At first, Disney's endorsement deal with Tiger Woods seemed baffling. Didn't Disney just announce it's cutting thousands of jobs to save money? But then we realized - Disney had to cut all those jobs to AFFORD to sign Tiger Woods. (Burkard)
Say It Ain't So Angie: Angie Harmon confirmed she'll leave the series "Law and Order" after this season. She told "Entertainment Tonight" she wants "to have a regular life back." Is this Harmon's way of saying she'd rather be unknown and unemployed? (Burkard)
Whip It Good: The group "Judicial Watch" filed a federal lawsuit Tuesday, challenging the ethics of the House Majority Whip. The lawsuit claims Tom DeLay offered access to White House officials in exchange for bribes. In fact, if you offer enough money, you might get an oil well named after you at a national park. (Richard Burkard/ http://www.LaughLine.com )
So Sue Me: "Extra" reported the producers of "Survivor" are suing the producers of "Boot Camp" for copyright violations. Aw, c'mon - you can't settle this in court. The jurors would get mixed up, and try to vote each other out of the room. (Burkard)
Brooke Bride: Brooke Shields has married again. It was a very small wedding. The couple only invited the audience for "Suddenly Susan". (Ray)