LowComDom Performances Presents
This Means War!
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice says. "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub -- that makes 8!"
Saddam sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!", says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke."
"Begorra!" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified out Ted's ultralight with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam is silent for a minute, then sighs. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MiG 19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!", says Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" says Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."