LowComDom Performances Presents
In The News ...
Stroke High: Scientists are now thinking marijuana may aid stroke victims. So far, research results have been mixed. It doesn't help patients regain motor skills. But none of them seem to care. (Ray)
There's Trouble in Paradise: after a decision by the University of Hawaii. The school of "Rainbow Warriors" is dropping the rainbow from its logo ö because it might confuse people with homosexuality! Of course, if they REALLY wanted to be politically correct in Honolulu, they'd drop the "Warrior" name, too ö and be simply: "UH! UH!" (Burkard)
Heston Rehab: Charlton Heston spent 3 weeks in alcohol rehab. Why is he such an important symbol for gun advocates? Because he too is often loaded. (Ray)
Rolling Stone Mick Jagger turned 57 this week. --Happy birthday, Dad!
--Here's the sad part--not one of his 8,000 kids bothered to send a card.
--Apparently, at his party, Mick was shocked when 100 close friends jumped out from a crevice in Keith Richard's face.
--You can tell Mick's getting old because his favorite Rolling Stone song is, "Hey, you get offa my lawn!"
--I understand at a party in Mick's honor, one of Keith Richard's hallucinations jumped out of the cake. (Steve Voldseth)
Cash Class: Four students from a rural Georgia high school allegedly made counterfeit money in drafting class. The scandal effects the entire county. It has forced gun dealers to check each bill carefully. (Alan Ray)
Funny Man: Ken Starr says that during his 5-year investigation of President Clinton he watched British humor to relieve stress. Ironic isn't it? To relieve stress, he watched Benny Hill. To relieve stress, President Clinton WAS Benny Hill. (Bill Williams/ acmehumor)
New CD: Britney Spears will sing on a new McDonald's CD. It goes along with their new circus theme. They had the clown - now they've got the big top. (Williams)
Gas Greats: BP Amoco reports profits were up 164 percent this summer. This is the result of the oil company finding additional territories to drill. Consumer wallets. (Alan Ray)
West Nile Virus: Evidence of the deadly mosquito-borne West Nile virus has been discovered in Massachusetts in the body of a dead crow. Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of the crow's death--the Kennedy family was no way involved. (Steve Voldseth)
Do You Think I'm Sexy: Britney Spears told a German magazine she wears skimpy outfits during concerts merely for comfort -- and she can't understand why men consider her sexy. Four words, Britney: "Beer before the show!" (Spears also told the magazine she's not happy with her hair, nose, legs and feet ö because they're all too short. Notice the list did NOT include anything between her neck and waist!) (Burkard)