LowComDom Performances Presents
Girlfriend rejection form
Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as love of my life. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your armpit hair/facial hair is longer than mine.
___ Last time you used peroxide I think some got on the "inside"
___ The fact that on our first date you needed to go to the bath room twenty times in the first 45 mins to "powder up" is not a attractive quality.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you know most of the university soccer team "intimately" questions your of staying in the morning.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ You are skinnier then my 10 year old sister.
___ Your "where's your tie comment" when you are wearing a t-shirt and sweats to a dance seemed inappropriate.
___ Simply, I can no longer afford your tastes.
___ I find your inability to understand the remote control appalling.
___ The fact that your room was renamed site 3 on Phi Beta Kapa's best girls to find drunk at a party list does not look promising for a long time commitment.
___ Your mentioning of my fathers bald spot is unappealing.
___ You still live with your parents, and your inability to pass high school math, are slight negatives.
___ You mention your ex-boyfriends name more than you mention mine.
___ Allowing me to purchase everything in the world for you is ruining me.
___ Final words, if only your brain was as big as your boobs.
[Your name here]