LowComDom Performances Presents
Definitions for the Family
Grandfather -- a man whose daughter once married someone who was vastly her inferior mentally but consequently gave birth to unbelievably brilliant grandchildren.
Grandmother -- a babysitter who doesn't hang around the refrigerator.
Father -- someone who has redeemed the money in his wallet for snapshots.
Mother -- the person who feeds the mouth that bites her.
Child -- a lump bred up in darkness.
Aunt -- the only person who would have made a better mother than your mother.
Uncle -- a relative who only seems to like you when he needs something done for him.
Son -- the result of getting what you thought you wanted.
Daughter -- a person who Dad likes because she reminds him of why he married his wife, and who Mother is afraid of because she reminds her of why her husband married her.
Cousin -- the relative most likely to be responsible for your trouble.
Mother-in-law -- a ready source of all knowledge, especially advice, history and judgments.
Father-in-law -- the fellow who is now happy to have paid for the wedding because now his wife has another man to harrass.