LowComDom Performances Presents
THE TOP 12 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS MADE BY PETS
Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt.
Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars.
I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.
Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows.
Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around.
Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.
Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass.
Always scoot before licking.
Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.
Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year.
Jan. 1: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! Jan. 2-Dec. 31: Re-live victory over the sock.
I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.