LowComDom Performances Presents
If Microsoft was Jewish
Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Ferklemmt."
When you fill up your "C-drive," you will get a "Hard Drive is Shtupped" message.
Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Draydles."
Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
CD-ROMs would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVBs (digital video bagels).
Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
"Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!"
When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's toukches."
Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"
During Passover, your PC would not be able to read "leavened floppies."
"Microsoft Word" would be renamed to "Microsoft Kibbitz."
Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that."
When running "scan disk," you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.
When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud "Oy!!!"
A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmootz" on your monitor.
After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Shloofie."
Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.
Solitaire would be replaced with on-line "bingo" or "mah-jong."
Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
You would hear the tune "Hava Nagila" during startup.
"Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
Bill Gates' official theme song would be "If I Were a Rich Man."